A message to my Alpha male about not training myse

I had a really massive old bloke contact me a long time ago on Gaydar, when my botty was still almost virgin tight, huge big belly and man tits and a massive massive cock, I was in lust when he sent me a pic of his cock and desperately wanted to feel it in me, we swapped a lot of emails and he warned me he was big and he never met a married man who could take him, because it needed a more experienced genuine bottom, but my big mouth got the better of me because I wanted him so bad, I made the mistake of flinching and pulling forward away from his cock when he was trying really hard to force it past my ringpiece, he got so mad, told me I better not dare pull away again, slapped my bum til it was stinging and sore, then used all his weight to pin me down and really push hard at my hole, I literally had to become a pillow biter to stop screaming when he shoved it past my tight ring, we were in a motel and I was scared they would know what was going on if I cried out, so I had to choke my screams and bite down hard, I didn't enjoy it at all and was just praying for him to finish, which he did pretty quick actually. When he finished and we were cleaning up he said I was a waste of time, and that he didn't usually enjoy hurting bottoms, but I deserved it because I tried to fool him that I was more experienced, he told me I should stop fucking gays around and stick to women, I felt dreadful and ashamed, but I decided not to stop, but to train my cunt better before I took on any more big men,Im still not as lose as I would like, but I prepare yself better with lube and stretching just before a meet with a hung Alpha so I can cope well enough even if its painful at the beginning